Revised Conclusion

In the blog post below I will be completely reconstructing the conclusion of my rhetorical analysis draft and chose one of four approaches provided in A Student's Guide. I will also evaluate how the changes I made helped to create a stronger conclusion for my paper.

My second conclusion is much more gripping and does much less summarizing of the entire analysis. I took the "Look Forward" approach, much like the author of my article, and predicted the changes needed to make the argument come into fruition. However, I did include a restated thesis and maintained the themes of my analysis, so that there was not a completely new argument introduced to the reader for mo reason.

Original Conclusion

Brown articulates a desire for political parties to focus all efforts on to doing what ’is right by students and schools by presenting references from both political perspectives and deconstructing them both. She enforces an urgency for the need for change by presenting statistics that convey the detriments of legislation. Both of these approaches are combined with condescending, frustrated word choice that relates the feelings of the author and her readers. The essay does well to prompt the reader to want change in the current situation. It stimulates a frustration based on frightening and compelling statistics, as well as the feeling of support from a credible author who the audience is siding with. Brown runs into the issue of prompting a response in her audience but failing to provide them with any direction. The audience now has feeling of frustration toward the education stalemate, but is given no guidance in how this needs to change. The best we are given is a desire to take the power which government has over schools altogether and give it to the states; so that they might do the right by their schools.

New Conclusion

The racially heated political environment of today demands action be taken soon in regards to education. However, many education-focused liberals feel that the changes that are to be made must be done with the best interest of the students and school systems in mind, rather than economic and political gain. In her article, author Emma Brown refers to credible sources, powerful statistics, and uses condescending word choice to enlighten her readers of what she argues are the faults of both political parties: both fail to consider both the fundament and racial need for equal opportunity of success in schools everywhere. From Brown's well argued standpoint, changes in legislation must be made that do not leave minority districts economically devastated, nor leave all the power in the hands of the government; rather the power should be given to the students. Brown effectively grasps her audiences attention, even though there are criticisms of their liberal party. In order for the change necessary to better the education system to be made, both parties must relinquish the power over the system and reach a compromise which prioritizes all students and their success.

Ryan, "Finish Line", 4/24/10 via Flickr.com